To truly support someone’s mental health, you have to be willing to look past the answer they were taught to give — and into what they are actually carrying.

To support someone’s mental health meaningfully, we must first understand why so many people struggling with their mental wellbeing say they are fine when they are not. In many communities particularly across African and diaspora cultures there is a deeply ingrained expectation of emotional resilience. To be strong. To not burden others. To pray through it, push through it, and present a composed face to the world. “I’m fine” is not always a lie — it is often a survival response, a cultural reflex, or simply the absence of a safe space in which the truth can be told.

According to the World Health Organization, close to one billion people globally are living with a mental health condition yet the majority never access care or support. In many of our communities, stigma, limited awareness, and the absence of culturally safe support systems mean that people carry mental health struggles in silence for years, sometimes their entire lives. The cost — in suffering, in broken relationships, in physical illness, and in lives lost is immeasurable.

At Compassionate HealthEd Foundation (CHF), we believe that communities are one of the most powerful mental health resources available to anyone if they know how to show up. Here are 6 powerful ways to genuinely support someone’s mental health, starting with the people already in your life.

First — learn to read what “I’m fine” is hiding

Before exploring the six ways to support someone’s mental health, it helps to know what to look for. People who are struggling rarely announce it plainly. Instead, they communicate through changes in behaviour, energy, and engagement that those around them are in the best position to notice.

Withdrawing from people they loveReducing contact and social presence

Changes in sleep or appetiteSleeping too much or too little

Loss of interest in things they enjoyedHobbies, humour, conversation

Increased irritability or emotional flatnessSnapping easily or feeling nothing

Talking about hopelessness or being a burdenRequires immediate, caring attention

Neglecting responsibilities or self-careWork, hygiene, household tasks

6 powerful ways to support someone’s mental health

1

Ask the real question — and mean it

One of the most powerful ways to support someone’s mental health costs nothing and takes less than a minute: ask how they are really doing — and wait for the real answer. The standard “how are you?” has become a social reflex that expects “fine” in return and moves on. A different question changes the dynamic entirely. “How are you actually doing?” or “I’ve noticed you seem quiet lately — I just want you to know I’m here if something is going on” signals that you are genuinely present, that you can handle the real answer, and that the person does not have to perform wellness for you. Often, this single shift in how you ask is what opens the door that has been quietly closed for months.

Try saying:“I’ve been thinking about you. How are you really doing — not the quick answer, the real one?”

2

Listen to understand — not to respond

Truly listening is one of the rarest and most healing gifts one person can give another — and it is central to how you support someone’s mental health effectively. Most people listen while preparing their response, their advice, their reassurance, or their reframe. But what someone in emotional pain needs first is not a solution — it is the experience of being fully heard without judgment, without interruption, and without their feelings being redirected or minimised. Sit with what they share. Resist the urge to fix. Make eye contact. Let silence be comfortable. Reflect back what you hear: “That sounds incredibly heavy — I’m glad you’re telling me.” This quality of listening is itself therapeutic — it tells the other person that their inner world is worth attending to.

Try saying:“I’m not going to try to fix anything right now — I just want to hear you.”

3

Show up consistently — not just in crisis

One of the most meaningful ways to support someone’s mental health is to be present not only in the moments of obvious crisis but in the ordinary moments between them. A message checking in. A meal brought over without being asked. Sitting together without needing conversation to fill the space. Showing up to something they invited you to even when you are busy. These small, consistent acts of presence communicate something that a single dramatic gesture cannot: that you are reliably there. Mental health struggles are rarely resolved in one conversation — they unfold over time, and sustained, ordinary presence is what makes the difference between someone feeling alone and someone feeling held by their community. We have written more about this in our earlier post on how to support someone with depression.

Try saying:“I’m not going anywhere. You don’t have to be okay for me to show up.”

4) Reduce the stigma — with your own words and example

You cannot fully support someone’s mental health in a community that treats mental illness as shameful, weak, or spiritually deficient. Stigma is one of the most powerful barriers between people who are struggling and the help they need — and it is maintained or dismantled one conversation at a time. Talking openly about mental health as a normal health topic. Sharing your own struggles when appropriate. Correcting harmful language when you hear it — “they’re just crazy,” “they need to pray more,” “attention-seeking.” Not laughing at mental health jokes. These actions, multiplied across a community, gradually shift the cultural environment in which support is or is not possible. Every person who normalises mental health reduces the isolation of everyone around them who is struggling in silence.

5) Gently encourage professional support — without pressure

One of the most important ways to support someone’s mental health is to help bridge the gap between where they are and professional care — without pushing so hard that you close the door you just opened. Many people are resistant to therapy or counselling for reasons rooted in stigma, past experience, cost, or cultural unfamiliarity with professional mental health care. Normalise it in the conversation: “A lot of people I respect have found talking to someone really helpful it’s not a sign that something is deeply wrong, it’s just another form of taking care of yourself.” Offer to help research options. Offer to accompany them. Reduce the distance between the idea and the action. And then let them move at their own pace — your consistent presence and gentle encouragement over time is more effective than a single urgent push.

6) Take care of your own mental health too

The final and most often overlooked way to support someone’s mental health is to tend to your own. You cannot give what you do not have — and sustained support for someone who is struggling is emotionally demanding in ways that accumulate over time. Compassion fatigue — the gradual erosion of your capacity to care as a result of caring for others is real and common among people who are the primary support for someone with mental health challenges. Seek your own support. Talk to someone you trust about what you are carrying. Set boundaries that protect your capacity to keep showing up. Taking care of yourself is not an act of selfishness it is the foundation on which everything else you offer is built. We wrote about this in the context of the effects of stress on your body.

What communities that truly support mental health look like

Communities that genuinely support someone’s mental health are not communities where everyone is perfectly well — they are communities where people feel safe enough to not be well. Where “I’m struggling” is met with presence rather than judgment. Where asking for help is understood as courage rather than weakness. Where mental health is discussed in the same matter-of-fact tone as physical health. Where no one has to pretend to be fine to remain included and valued.

This kind of community does not emerge from policy or programs alone — it emerges from the accumulated choices of individuals who decide to show up differently. To ask the real question. To listen without agenda. To stay when it would be easier to leave. To speak openly when it would be more comfortable to stay silent.

How CHF supports mental health awareness in communities

Mental health is a core pillar of CHF’s Preventive Health Education Campaigns. We bring mental wellness awareness into schools, workplaces, and community gatherings reducing stigma, building community support capacity, and connecting people to resources. We believe that health education which excludes mental health is incomplete and that the communities we serve deserve the full picture. Learn more at compassionatehealthed.org/our-programs.

Someone near you is not fine — and they need you to notice

Think about the people closest to you right now. Is there someone who has seemed quieter than usual? Someone who cancelled plans one too many times? Someone who laughs a little too quickly when things get serious? Someone who said “I’m fine” in a way that felt like it cost them something to say?

To support someone’s mental health, you do not need a qualification, a script, or a perfect plan. You need willingness to ask the real question, to hear the real answer, and to stay. That willingness, offered consistently and without judgment, is one of the most powerful forces for healing available in any community in the world.

Share this article with the people around you. Start the conversation. And the next time someone says “I’m fine” look a little closer.

Belinda Mesape, DNP, MSPH, APRN, ACNPC-AG, CNE

Founder & Executive Director, Compassionate HealthEd Foundation Inc.

About CHF

Compassionate HealthEd Foundation brings equitable health education to underserved communities. Learn more at compassionatehealthed.org or support our work today.